Thursday, November 17, 2005

Same-self Marriage Legislation?

A man, Edward Samuels, living in southwestern Ohio has decided to sue the state of Ohio in order to get legislation passed in order to allow him to marry himself in an act of "Same-self Marriage." He says he's fed up with dating women who aren't right for him, and that he feels that he deserves the rights that married couples enjoy.

Mr. Samuels doesn't believe a simple problem of not being about to find the right woman for him is a good enough reason for him to be held back from enjoying what a marriage could bring into his life, and his attorney recently explained why it makes sense for him to be able to marry himself in an act before a justice of the peace.

"My client, Mr. Edward Samuels, feels that his masculine and feminine sides are more compatible with each other than he has been with any woman he has ever dated," stated James Whitfield, Samuels' acting attorney. "We live in a country where couples of the same sex receive more rights than heterosexual couples do, and introducing 'Same-self' marriages into our society is the next, natural step in our progressive-thinking culture."

"What Mr. Samuels wishes to do is not a crime, but it is also not currently allowed," continued Whitfield. "And if senators are allowed to stick pork projects into nearly every piece of legislation that passes here in our country, it would only make sense that one of the senators, of whom my client is a constituent, would insert a 'Same-self marriages' proposal into a piece of legislation in order to please my client. It just wouldn't hurt nobody."

Opponents are stunned, in fact, those who would typically oppose same-sex marriage are just simply confused about this new marriage angle.

"It just doesn't make any sense, I feel silly even mentioning it -- let alone opposing it," commented Alicia Joblonski. "Am I on candid camera? Am I being punked by that Kutcher guy?"

Okay, okay, the gig is up. This isn't a real story. I made it up.

I just wanted to go on record predicting that this will eventually happen in our country. There are so many people out there that are just looking for a way to get attention, and this is one of those ideas that really should not be placed in their mind.

So, if you know someone like that, don't forward this to them. Let's just wait and see how long it'll take until "Same-self Marriage" legislation truly becomes a story here in our interesting country.

We're quite a scary bunch of people, aren't we?


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